I’m not one to give much thought to What Might Have Beens. I’ve never Googled any exes. Heck, I don’t even Google myself or my husband. Though he loves to Google his family and our two boys – have you any idea just how many Griffin dogs or Charlie cats there are out there?
Today, for some reason, out of the blue, my ex popped into my head and I can’t seem to shake him. Once I got home, I thought I’d give that ol’ friend, Google a whirl. Thing is, my ex has a fairly common name, so I wasn’t able to find anything. Not even a crumb. But I still can’t seem to shake him.
I know full well that we’d never have lasted. Not even counting the fact that he was a few years younger (not a big deal, I know), we were just two different kinds of people and in two different places in our lives. He was a hard worker, but he wasn’t college educated and didn’t really see the point. While I don’t think that college is for everyone (my hubby has no college education and is doing quite well surrounded by MBAs), it was still a huge part of who I was at the time. So much so that I went on to get my Masters.
Back when we were dating, I was just finishing up my teaching degree, hoping and praying to get a teaching job. My focus was entirely on getting that job. His focus was entirely on finding someone to settle down with and take care of. Me, I was in that I-don’t-need-anyone, I’m-an-independent-woman phase. I was ready to finally get started being an adult and living the life. Interestingly enough though, we were head over heels, blissfully enamored.
Or so I thought.
One of his co-workers broke up with her husband or boyfriend or baby daddy, or whatever and starting focusing all her attention on my guy. I knew this because he told me. She was an older woman (older than him, older than me) with a young child. He, as I stated earlier, just wanted to settle down and take care of someone. She, it turned out, was just that someone. He dumped me.
He went head on into a relationship with her and never bothered with me again. Well, until she broke up with him about 3 months or so later, that is. Then he came back to me. We went out to dinner and I said that we could try to be friends, but I just didn’t trust him. A week or two later, she wanted him back and back her went. This time, I walked away. For good. Until today.
T that time, I really wasn’t able to look to someone else as my hero or my savior. I just didn’t need that in my life. I didn’t need someone to “complete me.” I can see now how that might be annoying when you’re in a relationship. There’s needs to be some emotional give and take. I can honestly thank him for allowing our relationship to teach me that.
But I do wonder what made me think of him. Was it a song on the radio? Reflecting back over the last couple of weeks, I have heard a LOT of songs that could remind me of him – if I was in that frame of mind. Is it our long ago psychic connection? Is he thinking about me? Is he wondering what might have been?
I’ve got to tell you, I may have had a rough patch of life here or there, but I really, really like my life. I really like the person I’ve turned into. And I really like the friends that I consider my “family.” I really don’t have any thoughts of him, good, bad or ugly, but I do wish him well wherever he may be.