Just a friendly reminder, it’s that time of the year again. Please raise your BIG TOE and repeat after me; I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that actually fit, no matter how cute they may be. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not ooze out between the straps.
I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. Try using a rubbery base coat like Creative Nail’s Stickey or Orly’s Bonder to help your polish last longer.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. Or easier still, I’ll slather on some Mr. Pumice Callus Terminator, give it a little buff with my pumice and call it a day. And remember to moisturize nightly to keep your feet soft as a baby’s butt.
I will shave, pluck or wax the hairs off my big toe, or any of my toes for that matter.
I won’t wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister or stranger on the street tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won’t duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl’s if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless no matter how low the price, even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids’ sizes – even though the fashion magazines may say they’re back in style. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they’ve been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear to NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go to my local nail salon or beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny). Or spend a few bucks more and get an even better one. It’s the perfect way to get those puppies ready for summer!
And finally…I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear. There is nothing tackier than dirty white sandals.
So please, for the sake of everyone that will see your toes this summer, pass these rules along!